Would you rather?

From Day 1 of our climb, some of the climbers remembered a game that they used to play as kids to pass the time. Since the days were long and the walking was at times monotonous and at times quite rough, we began to play along.

It goes like this:

Think of two dreadful scenarios and ask which you would rather do...

Some examples would be:

Would you rather do the summit walk in the freezing cold (-15 to -25 degrees Celsius) in wet clothes or no clothes at all?

OR
Would you rather sleep in a wet sleeping bag or in wet clothes?

And this is how it would go on, forcing us to choose between ridiculous scenarios that mainly had to do with wet clothes, no clothes and freezing cold weather. As this chatter went on, I would go in my mind to a much more pleasant 'would you rather' game.

For me it went like this:

Would I rather get into a warm bath, surrounded by scented candles sipping on hot chocolate or snuggle in my warm bed, electric blanket switched on and good book in tow?

I would imagine these wonderful scenarios, knowing none of these would be forthcoming for a long time but revelling in the images and feelings as I trudged along in the sometimes wet and often very cold conditions. When I suggested this game to my fellow climbers, they said it was no where near as exciting, funny or fun so there I was, left to my own musings and dreaming to keep me going strong!

Now that I’m back the 'would you rather' question becomes:

Would you rather fantasise about your next holiday – warm, comfortable, 5-star hotel and beach included or go back to climb Kili again?

Hmmm…

To the Top of Africa and Back!

I’m no mountaineer and definitely no camper! Traveler? For sure. Adventurer? Possibly – as long as I know that I can return to a place of comfort. I have now returned to my place of comfort – my home – and I’m glad to be back and able to reflect on my journey.

If I have to sum up the experience in one sentence it would be: This was an experience of extremes – the toughest thing I've ever done.

I both hated every minute and loved every minute at the same time. An experience that challenged me on every level - physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. The question of “why am I here?” came up every single day and yet...

The exhilaration, the beauty and the spirituality were beyond description. To push yourself beyond the point you imagine you can go and then to be rewarded with magnificence and pure beauty is indescribable. To absorb nature's art in its purest form is joy! My eyes filled with tears every day – sometimes from the sheer hardship and sometimes for no reason at all.

The final night was a period of being awake 36 hours and on our feet for 25 of those. I was frozen to the bone. I didn't think some of my fingers or toes would make it. I was exhausted, depleted and broken. Shuffling along step by step in a line up, I was constantly battling the grip of cold, tiredness, breathlessness. I constantly needed to be woken up by my buddy behind me as I sleepwalked some of the time. The thoughts in my head kept me going and its amazing to become aware of where your mind goes in times of hardship. There was a point that I didn't think I would make it – my breaking point – just before sunrise. I could not see how far I had come or how much further there was still to go. All I knew was that I had been walking for hours and I was done – my body would move no more. I could go no further. A few sips of tea from the guides, hand rubs, back rubs and strong words of “you can do it, Daphna” somehow gave me the inch of strength I needed to get up again and reach towards sunlight – our only measurement of the end.

The rays of the sun were like a healing energy, as a little warmth and energy started seeping through my body and thawing my frozen bones. Slowly slowly I trudged further along the path. I made it, first to Stella point – a milestone on the journey to the summit – and then to Uhuru Peak – the summit. Uhuru was a further hour of walking in the cold, thin air. The path seemed endless, every slow step getting us closer to the peak. At this stage some of us walked in pairs, arms entwined, partners in climb, supporting each other to the end. The feeling of reaching the summit was incredible – it was unbelievable to have reached our goal in such tough conditions. We hugged, cried, laughed and took plenty photos. We had arrived at our goal after 5.5 days of climbing – just one step at a time!

I feel blessed and privileged to have reached the summit because I was millimeters away from not making it. The reward was the magnificence of the place and closeness to G-d! The support of the team and our loved ones back home got us through. This is an experience that has been life changing for me – I had to dig so very deep to get there and I found the strength in the depth of my soul, in G-d’s guiding angels, in the support of the team and in the love of the people back home. 
 

At the end of a full night of walking, we still faced the walk down. Another 9 hours of downward climbing to the camp where we would spend the next night. Just as we reached the end of our strength, we knew we had much further to go! Reaching the summit was a giant achievement but coming down was still part of the journey too. Once again, we reached deep inside us to find the strength to continue and we did! Well done team Kili!

This is a Big Deal

Decision to preparation to action takes some giant leaps. This trip has been a part of my life and thoughts for 3 months now but nothing compares to the morning of. I wake up with an energy that is electric – I can barely sit still to write this blog. Together with that sits a knot in my stomach expressing the dread of what I’ve undertaken. I realise that this is actually a big deal. Yes, another crazy idea that I’m actually putting into practice!

I can’t actually believe that the day has arrived, that this is really happening. The logistics of the things that need to get taken care of before I leave are a mere distraction from my feelings that are overwhelming.

As I sit here and write, I am filled with love and emotion for the way this journey has taken hold and I’m touched with the outpouring of love and support that I’ve experienced. My eyes fill with tears at the messages that I receive from my friends wishing me well on this journey. The prayers, quotes and words are filled with love and that is ultimately what this journey is about.

As I say see you soon – lehitraot, tot siens – I’m carrying all that love and encouragement with me and I know that this is what will get me to the summit! On those cold, lonely, exhausting days and nights I will know that you are all with me rooting for me to go further – one step at a time! Onwards and upwards my friends…

The science and technology of Kili gear

 Jo Borkett, Mango, Truworths, Foschini and Forever New are my regular hangouts when the time comes to add some items to my wardrobe. High heels and power dressing is my regular delight. I’ve often been told that there’s “casual” and there’s “Daphna casual” which doesn’t quite make the casual cut. However, in the last few weeks, I’ve discovered a whole new world (and wardrobe). Shops I never knew existed, are now my regular haunts and I still fill with dread at the thought. The new list covers Drifters, Cape Union Mart and Columbia for serious camping gear! The new wardrobe is filing with fleeces, down and thermals and definitely NO COTTON!

There is a science to Kili clothing that has absolutely nothing to do with style, fit or colour. The latest concepts are comfort, warmth, waterproofing and wicking!

In the past, warmth was achieved through various layers that have to match and complement each other in style. Now, I’m asked to believe that 3 layers will keep me super-warm and as long as the size is right and there’s no cotton, forget style and colour!

So… how does it all work?

There are 3 layers to Kili clothing and these will keep you dry and warm if you do everything as per the instructions. The first is the thermal layer – top and bottom to keep the moisture off your body. The second layer is for warmth. Here come the fleeces. There are 100, 200 and 300 fleeces and the number has to do with the weight of the fleece per square meter. These come in 3 basic styles and 2 colours per style if you’re lucky! You can layer as many fleeces as you like to increase warmth. Finally comes the outer layer – a breathable plastic that hold the heat in, basically the weight of a rain coat.

That’s it! Of course you then add to your list boots, socks, gloves, buffs (never heard of these before), scarf and hat and you’re equipped! Nearly every item needs 2 layers and all this is really important for summit night so you land up spending on fortune on stuff you need for one night only!

My first visit to Drifters was completely overwhelming. I walked in, got the drill and walked out again without buying a thing. As the shop assistant was talking, my heart started beating faster, my breathing got shallower and I thought I was having a panic attack at the amount in need to spend on items I will probably never wear again… and seriously, the most commonly found colours are black and grey.

The second time, I sent my good friend with the instruction – buy 2 of everything! What you get for you, get for me too! This was great! I thought I wouldn’t have to go back. But, alas, I did. With the third trip, I was equipped with a list of what I still needed – the guys were great – and I made it in and out with everything I needed and still breathing!

The guys at Cape Union Mart and Columbia are great too! They greet me by name as I walk through the door and are always ready to help out. Thanks for making this whole new shopping world as painless as possible for me – and I certainly hope that the gear will keep me warm, dry and comfortable and that I won’t have to come back for a visit anytime soon!

Leaving everything I know behind…

With less than 2 weeks to go there are many things that I have to think about in preparation for my trip and there are many things I’m trying very hard not to think about. I’m sitting with emotions of apprehension, doubt and wondering “why am I doing this again?” together with emotions of excitement, enthusiasm and anticipation of “I just can’t wait to get there already.”

With every day that goes by, comes an increased appreciation of the simple pleasures of life, enhanced by the knowledge that I will not have these pleasures on Kili. On a regular day, the simple pleasure of ending a training session with a hot shower – allowing myself to rejuvenate in the flow of water – highlights the fact that after a long day of hiking, all I’ll get is a bowl of luke warm water to wash with and share with a friend. Ending a regular day by getting into a comfortable bed, electric blanket switched on and snuggling under the duvet, highlights the lack of these comforts at Kili. This creates a bit of a wobble inside me that begs the question – can I really go through with this?

But then… speaking to people who have summitted Kili and seeing their pictures from the top of Africa makes me want the experience all the more. I believe that when life’s comforts are stripped away, when the distractions (and necessities) of every day life are removed – you get to meet the person that you truly are – no diversions, no masks. When the going gets tough, our authentic selves shine through and when we let our authentic selves shine, we get to experience the true beauty of our soul.

This is why I’m going… and I’m looking forward to spending quality time in the company of myself – all distractions, aka comforts, stripped away!

In this high place
it is as simple as this,
leave everything you know behind.

Step toward the cold surface,
say the old prayer of rough love
and open both arms.

Those who come with empty hands
will stare into the lake astonished,
there, in the cold light
reflecting pure snow,

the true shape of your own face.  

~ David Whyte ~

The Cause

I’ve written quite a bit about my personal journey so far – the training, my thinking and my fears. I think it is now time to take a look at the raison d’etre for this journey.

As my holiday in Mauritius comes to an end, it is a good time for me to express my gratitude for an amazing holiday that came at exactly the right time. When I arrived, I was feeling exhausted and in desperate need for some me time. As I leave, I feel blessed and rejuvenated. The resort we stayed in catered to our every whim and we all felt absolutely spoilt every minute of the day. We barely had to glance to the side and a waiter would be there to ask if there was anything we needed.

Resort life feels like a self-contained world where you can almost begin to believe that this is what the island is about. We took one day to tour some of the towns in the Island and were struck by the stark reality of island life. While we were rejuvenating ourselves and relaxing at the resort, there are people living in absolute poverty, desperate for a way to make a living and relying on us tourists to provide them with a way to earn some income. The contrast was thought provoking.

We see this dichotomy everywhere in the world. I believe that it is up to every one of us to make sure that we are grateful for what we have and that we contribute to others that are less fortunate than ourselves wherever we can. That is why I’m proud of the fact that while the Kilimanjaro trip is a personal journey of meaning and growth, it is also about a cause that is larger than myself. This trip is about inspiring women in challenging circumstances to know that anything is possible, one step at a time. The charity that we’re supporting is the Women’s Empowerment Division of ORTJET and the aim is to establish an Academy that will provide training of marketable skills, teach financial management and ensure sustainable independence.

This is a dream to raise hope and restore dignity.

As we go on in our daily lives, hundreds of women across our communities battle a never-ending onslaught of hunger, anxiety and self-doubt. Their decisions involve making choices between providing a roof over their children’s heads, or food in their lunch boxes. They rely on hand-outs, food parcels and the generosity of strangers. The purpose of the Kilimanjaro campaign is not only to raise awareness of the needs of these divorced, widowed, abused and vulnerable women but more importantly to raise enough money to establish the Academy.

The charity that is creating this Academy is ORT SA. Their motto is "Educating for Life". Giving skills, tools and education to South Africans from all backgrounds, cultures and education levels, helping all ages to ensure gainful employment and moulding people into contributing members of society.

In the words of Tali Frankel, a fellow climber and friend, "If you believe as we do, that the best way to give to someone is to equip them not with a food parcel but with the ability to earn, not with a welfare cheque but with marketable skills, not with gratefulness but with dignity – then join us on our incredible journey."

If you would like to join me in championing this worthy cause, please add your donation on my back-a-buddy page on http://www.backabuddy.co.za/champion/project/the-kili-climbing-coach-daphna-horowitz or by contributing via EFT.

Thank you all for your support!

Banking details:

Johannesburg Women’s ORT

Standard Bank Norwood Mall

Branch code: 004105

Account number: 001824538

SWIFT code IBAN : SBZAZAJJ

Ref: DSH/Your Name

Slow and Steady

Ok… so I was all gung-ho, motivated and determined to create the extra hours in the day and the extra energy it took to make time for the ambitious training programme for Kili and I did very well until… I got sick!

It started with a simple cold and a few sniffles and I was still going strong. This will take a couple of days to clear and I’ll be back in training – can’t let anything hold me back at this stage – I told myself. And that’s exactly what I did… took 3 days off and was back in training quick as a flash until… I got sick!

As a quick aside here, I need to say that there was no easing in to the training for me. From the get go I was pushing myself to the limits – running that little bit faster, staying in core-building positions that little bit longer. In addition, there was no change to my already frenetic lifestyle – working till late at night (or the early hours of the morning) to make sure that everything was still getting the attention it needed. Everything except me of course! I was very proud of myself that I had actually created a couple of extra hours on training days and nothing needed to change. Aren’t we always saying we need a few extra hours in our days?

Well… then I got sick! This time it wasn’t a little sniffle that would take a couple of days to clear up. This time I was hit with a flu that every day I woke up feeling worse than the day before. For an A-type like me this is torture and all I do is continue to push through. After 5 days of this (and thankfully the arrival of the weekend and so no need to change any work commitments!) I finally succumbed – with no voice and a torturous sinus headache – I stayed in bed for 2 days. At this stage I thought, ok I’m getting to the worst of it and when Monday comes, I’ll be starting to get better. But alas, the sinus headaches continued and I finally admitted that I needed to go to the doctor. Armed with a host of medications (including antibiotics and cortisone sprays) that put paid to the training for yet another week.

At this point I started to reflect that maybe I needed to look at the bigger picture. Why did I get sick and for so long, battling to get back to feeling normal again? What is my body wanting to tell me?

After the usual denials and classic arguments that you get sick from bugs called viruses and bacteria and not for any other reason, the truth of the matter is that if your immune system is weakened enough, you’ll catch any bugs that are going around much more easily. And then comes the question that I didn’t really want to look at…

Why did I get to this point?

My critical learnings as I reflect on this time are (…and I am writing this blog as I sit on a lounger on the beach, taking a long awaited for holiday in Mauritius)

1.         Rest and relaxation

There are a critical number of hours of sleep and recovery that every person needs and I pushed myself beyond this point. Thinking that I had discovered 2 hours extra time per day without realising that it would need to eventually be made up somewhere was a critical mistake.

2.         Stretch but not stress

Even within the training programme, I stretched myself to the point of stress. It is important to stretch yourself to do more and achieve more but just like an elastic band, if you stretch it too much, it will break.  The balance between stretch and stress is a delicate one that needs to be maintained.

3.         Listen to your body

We all know how it feels good to have a great workout and feel that sense of achievement – especially for someone like me who is really not a sporty type. When embarking on a training programme, make sure to listen when your body says its enough. It takes time to build up the training and your body will tell you when its ok to stretch and when its time to take a break.

4.         There are no shortcuts

When you learn something new and want to build on it, it takes time and practice. There are no shortcuts. Just like you can’t take a pill to create more time in the day, you can’t build your strength overnight. Take the time to do it slowly, properly and in a way that will be lasting.

To use the words of a good friend of mine, “slow and steady wins the race”. As hard as it is for me to get my head around this concept – I delight in the fast pace, lots of projects to be involved in and keeping the string of achievements up – this is going to be my motto for Kilimanjaro.

There is no race here – there is a journey…

When the coach gets coached!

Have you ever had the experience of getting a taste of your own medicine? Where everything you do is just turned back on you in a way that makes you understand the irony of life and have a good laugh at yourself?

Well, recently I’ve had the joy of experiencing exactly that! And it’s happening on a daily basis from my Kili training coach. Admittedly, I find exercise difficult (see previous blog) and I have to say – yes, hard to admit but true – that I’m a bit of a complainer when it comes to doing it. I’m using all the resources and support I can to get myself going and even in the sessions, you’ll find me bargaining over the number of hill sprints, push ups and the like. I’m the first to puff and pant away saying “stop – I can’t do this anymore”, only to hear my coaches saying back to me, “of course you can! Come on Daphna, what kind of talk is that coming from a coach?”

I’m the one saying “I can’t do it, isn’t there an easier way?” This is a slightly embarrassing admission for a person who has dedicated her life’s work to helping others achieve their own ambitious, challenging goals! I’m the one encouraging my clients to move beyond their comfort zone, take a deep look at themselves and go for what they want – even when it challenges them on an emotional, mental and physical level. The irony of the situation has gained me not a few chuckles from my partners in climb. “What would you say to a client who tells you they can’t do it Daphna?” in a mocking, sarcastic tone – wink wink, nudge nudge!

But together with that, I am pushing myself beyond my comfort zone (way beyond!) and I am thankful for the reassurance and support from my trainers and friends – of course you can, look how well you’re doing, look how much you improved – and at the same time we all chuckle at the tables being turned.

So, yes… I can admit that I’m battling with this exercise thing. I have Robyn coming to fetch me in the morning just in case I decide to pull out at the last minute and stay snuggled in my warm bed – I came very close on a few occasions. I have Tshepo, Lucky, Thabo and Sipho – amazing training team – encouraging and motivating me to take that extra hill, extra lunge or push up and all the while chuckling at how they need to use my own words back at me to get me going! And I have amazing friends in my fellow climbers who inspire me to keep going by knowing they are facing the same challenges and plunging ahead!

For now, the support, encouragement and inspiration is working. And the experience is making me that much more empathetic to my clients when they struggle through the things they need to overcome to push their boundaries and achieve more. I have the same struggles as anyone else and I can see that having someone believe in you, challenge you and encourage you is exactly what is needed to get the goal done!

It's no use!

“The first question which you will ask and which I must try to answer is this, "What is the use of climbing Mount Everest?" and my answer must at once be, "It is no use." There is not the slightest prospect of any gain whatsoever. Oh, we may learn a little about the behaviour of the human body at high altitudes, and possibly medical men may turn our observation to some account for the purposes of aviation. But otherwise nothing will come of it. We shall not bring back a single bit of gold or silver, not a gem, nor any coal or iron. We shall not find a single foot of earth that can be planted with crops to raise food. It's no use. 

So, if you cannot understand that there is something in man which responds to the challenge of this mountain and goes out to meet it, that the struggle is the struggle of life itself upward and forever upward, then you won't see why we go. What we get from this adventure is just sheer joy. And joy is, after all, the point of life. We do not live to eat and make money. We eat and make money to be able to enjoy life. That is what life means and what makes life worth living for.” 

- Sir George Leigh Mallory, 1922
 

Sunrise, Sunset, Sunrise...

Never in my entire life have I seen as many sunrises as I’ve seen in the last 10 days!

I am a night owl. I can often be found burning the midnight oil catching up on emails, carrying on with work, writing up my thesis or adding to my blog! I’m always available for late night chats – for anyone else who is up into the wee hours. Nighttime is when I get my second wind, when the house goes quiet after the mad rush of the day and I can just take a deep breath and focus on stuff that needs to get done.

Another important aspect that makes me who I am is that I hate exercise. It has always been something I have to do rather than want to do. In my school days, I would do anything I could to avoid any kind of sport or PT. Parent notes were produced aplenty when it came to sport. In my adult years I always played the game of on-again, off-again when it came to exercise because it would only happen when I felt good enough and motivated enough to go – which is not very often. I’ve tried yoga, aerobics, circuit, walking, running – anything I’ve left out? – to no avail.

And now… I’ve set myself a goal to climb Kili in 3 months time! Very quickly I realised that I have a better chance of enduring if I do some training and with my schedule, this training could only be fitted in in the early hours of the morning…

So… Take two very unlikely events that could happen in my life, put them together with a lofty goal and here I am… 10 days into a training programme where I wake up at 5.40am to begin a 6am training round. I’ve been consistent, I’ve been dedicated and I’m aching all over. So now I have a couple of questions for all you early risers out there:

1.              When does exercise begin to energise you rather than make you feel exhausted and sore?

2.              When do you begin getting used to the early morning wake up call and start adjusting by going to sleep earlier the previous night?

3.              Is this all really good for you?

With these questions in mind I shall continue on this rigorous training schedule and hope to see some fantastic results. Hopefully when I’m climbing the mountain, I’ll be thankful for the effort I put in before.

I’d like to end with this message of inspiration for anybody out there who is wondering if they can do it… if I can, you can!

These Boots Were Made for Walking...

When I think of a symbol of commitment, I often think of a ring. For various reasons it was chosen as a symbol of commitment when it comes to engagement and marriage. The circular design symbolising the completeness of life – beginning merging with end.

For me, more recently, another symbol of commitment emerged and that came in the form of hiking boots! Not really circular, not really a symbol of the completeness of life but definitely a symbol of a new beginning for me – the start of my journey to climbing Kilimanjaro. Never in my life have I owned such a pair of shoes and yet, buying them meant a whole lot more than just adding to my already wonderful collection. Actually, for those who know me, another pair of shoes may be quite apt as a symbol of commitment – commitment to buying a larger shoe cupboard maybe! I love my shoes – particularly the high heeled, gorgeous variety. People often marvel and comment at my ability to spend a whole day on my feet in high heels and look very comfortable. Not surprisingly then, was the fact that when I made the decision to go climbing Kilimanjaro, my first purchase was a pair of hiking boots.  Before I had even paid my deposit, I purchased the appropriate shoes for the journey.

Once my thinking process had ended and my decision was made, I needed to take a tangible step towards making sure that this was more than just a thought. Paying the deposit became an important milestone that was delayed due to my analytical nature and need to investigate insurance options and best payment methods. I didn’t want to stop the momentum that I felt from making this momentous decision, so I paid for my boots and waited for delivery. When the not-so-gorgeous boots arrived, I knew that I had truly arrived in my commitment to the journey.

Upon the boots arrival, I realised that I can’t own this pair of boots without a journey to take them on. I was now even more motivated to pay my deposit and was looking forward to making the payment that would symbolise my commitment even further.

Now that the shoes were purchased and that the deposit was paid there really was no turning back. The next step was to get hiking and wear the boots in. The initial wearing was so uncomfortable that I came back sore, blistered, bruised and determined. I tried a different way to tie them which was slightly more comfortable. The second wear was already better. I climbed to the top of Table Mountain, Cape Town and felt a great sense of achievement. The boots were more comfortable but still felt foreign and clumpy. Give me back my high heels any day! However, with each wear, I get more used to the boots and at the same time more used to the idea of the climb. Less scared? I’m not so sure – but more excited and more comfortable.

These boots were made for walking… and that's just what they'll do - climb Kili with me inside them!

Fear and Courage

“Why did G-d create fear?” my 7-year old daughter asked me one morning when we were sitting at the kitchen table sharing a moment over a cup of tea. I thought about the question and answered, “how would we know courage if we didn’t know fear?”

That seemed to satisfy her mind and as she mulled over my rather paradoxical answer, it struck me that this is the paradox that I’m sitting with as I contemplate my pending journey up Mount Kilimanjaro.

I am the type of person who seeks challenges. The bigger the fear, the greater the challenge and the more enticing the goal. Fear draws me closer with brain chatter going at full speed as I contemplate the fact that fear will not be the thing that stops me from doing something that I want to do. A lack of desire may leave many things undone in my life but fear draws me closer, beckoning me to come and play. If I fear it, then there is something worthwhile about the goal.

So when climbing Kilimanjaro arrived on my bucket list a few years ago, I had regarded it as something that I will do… someday! And now someday has arrived – with a perfect opportunity that has fallen into my lap – a women’s trip for a cause that I believe in and am already committed to and with all the complicated logistics taken care of! I can’t say no to this. There would be no excuse… saying no would be succumbing to fear.

And what am I most afraid of?

·      The bitter cold - I’m the first person to pull out the boots as the summer sun begins to fade away

·      My full schedule that barely leaves me time for myself let alone take on a rigorous training programme

·      Roughing it for 7 days with minimal washing and other important facilities. I am the one who loves luxury and revels in staying in comfortable hotels with top class facilities

·      Not having my husband with me who has been at my side for every challenge I’ve taken on so far in my life

So why am I doing this?

·      To experience the truth of the paradox that in order to experience courage, I need to feel the fear and do it anyway

·      To conquer a literal mountain as a symbolic journey of the many challenges and mountains we conquer in our lives

·      To enjoy a truly spiritual experience. I feel closest to G-d in the most untouched and natural settings. This is where I see true spiritual magnificence that transcends our daily living and shows us a world that was designed in way that defies comprehension. In such spaces we can just be ourselves

·      To honour women all over the world who have been an inspiration in people’s lives – we will be carrying these women in our hearts as we climb

So there it is – I’m scared and I’m doing it!